2021
Well. It started out pretty fucking rough. There’s been a handful positive experiences
to smile about along the way, but the year continued to and ended pretty
fucking rough as well. It’s now almost 2
years since the world turned upside down and I can’t help but think of life as
‘Before’ and ‘After’. On top of the list
of terrible things from 2020, this year adds the Jan. 6
Insurrection/Presidential coup, and numerous personal physical maladies. As mentioned though, things weren’t all bad,
so here’s my ‘2021’s Top 10 Worsts as Well as a Few Positive Things’ list…
2021’s
Top 10 Worsts as Well as a Few Positive Things,
10. A lawn full of weeds
“Boo hoo”. Well, whatever, it’s the least of the ‘Worsts’,
but I’ll tell you what- it’s more stressful than I would’ve thought! Katy and I put down herbicide, we dug out old
weeds, planted new grass seed, and even tried to regularly pull any new weeds growing
BUT STILL those damn things took over about 50% of our yard. Grrrr.
9. Trouble with the motorcycle
I know there’s
supposed to be Zen in the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but I haven’t found it
yet. If it weren’t for my good buddy
Rocco, my troubles with the bike would be exponentially worse, but I couldn’t
rely on him for every single blip. With some
pretty severe stress/anxiety already accumulated from other things (see below),
at a certain point I wasn’t able to wrap my head around troubleshooting the
motorcycle any more. So many things have
broken or become unavailable in the past 2 years, that when I hit yet another
snag with the bike not starting, I had a meltdown (also, see below). My brain shut down and I just wasn’t able to
muster up the fortitude to work on the bike until late in the year. Thus, I missed a good chunk of the riding
season this year as the bike sat dead in front of my house.
8. The news
I started
monitoring how much news I consumed last year, but this year it just continued
to be even worse. It’s sad, depressing,
frustrating, infuriating, and I’ve come to leave my bathroom radio dial on WRTI,
the classical and jazz station instead of its usual NPR news. I don’t like the idea of burying my head in
the sand, but it feels necessary if I want to keep any hope or positivity about
the world I’m living in.
7.
Another year’s worth of cancelled flights/difficult road trip
When the
vaccine came out and Covid case numbers were looking a lot better, Katy and I
were very excited to book tickets to a fall wedding in New Orleans. The wedding was supposed to be in 2020, and the
rescheduled date became this beacon of light and hope. We even scheduled extra
days to tour the city and enjoy a much-needed vacation. And then case numbers
started going back up with Delta, and New Orleans got it really bad, so we
cancelled our flights and Airbnb. We
tried to squeeze in something of a ‘vacation’ with a road trip up to a cabin on
Lake Champlain, but so many things on that trip went wrong and we ended up
coming home early. And Brett was
planning on coming up to Philly for the week between Christmas and NYE, but
Omicron has been blowing up and he cancelled his trip. I’m very thankful for the beautiful house and
wonderful city I get to live in. But not
being able to leave, explore, or host others is so frustrating and disappointing.
6. Torn hamstring/sprained ankle
Holy shit, I
literally heard my hamstring ‘pop’! I
had already strained the muscle while doing some sprints in the park, but after
a week or so of ice and massage, I figured it was strong enough to play
tennis. I was playing probably the best
I’d ever played and lunged for a drop shot when my left hamstring snapped. I never realized how brutal a muscle tear is
until I both felt and heard it. That I
heard it, I think, confirmed that this was the worst injury I’ve ever had. It took me a month before I could even walk,
another month before I could walk more than a block or two, and it wasn’t until
about 3 months after the injury that I was able to walk at a normal city-pace
without any pain. And almost as soon as
it felt that my hamstring was back to working condition, I sprained my ankle on
the same leg. The ankle injury wasn’t as
severe as the hamstring, but I’d rolled that ankle in college, so the repeat trauma
wasn’t pleasant. The pain of both of
these injuries was bad, but what was even more frustrating was how they’ve
impacted a workout regimen that had previously been going very well. I’d been hopeful to meet my workout goals by
the end of this year, but it’s now looking unattainable until early ’22. The positive to come out of this is that I’ve
been able to focus on and enjoy dedicated stretching and self-massage which has
been very helpful.
5. Needing to put space between myself and unhealthy
relationships
This was one
of the worst things of the year, for sure.
Since 2020, there have been so many resources diminished, so many
stressors added, that it’s caused my life to turtle in a way. If relationships are not positively contributing
to my life, then I just don’t have the energy, patience, or desire to extend
myself for them anymore. I’ve reached my
limits with people who defend Trump after his coup/Insurrection, spread
misinformation about the Covid vaccine, or continually disrespect me personally,
and I just don’t have it in me to try to work it out with these people anymore. Maybe in the future, when times are sunnier
and I have the capacity to love more unconditionally and forgive more easily,
maybe then I will be able to try to reconcile.
In a time when idiots and assholes are running rampant, there’s a
premium on rationality and positivity. It’s
been extremely difficult to have to cut ties with some close people in my life,
but I believe I’ve made the right decisions for what I need right now. I was relieved to have a conversation with a
friend just recently in which we disagreed on a number of things in the world
today, yet were able to do so without losing sight of common sense and respect
for one another.
4. Multiple meltdowns/anxiety attacks
I had a number
meltdowns in 2020, and they continued into this past year. This list of Top Worsts (and often many of
these at the same time) contributed to boiling points where my mind just shut
down to bare necessities for a week, sometimes two at a time. I’m sad to have to say that. I found affordable therapy through BetterHelp.com
and worked with a therapist for a few weeks, and the ideas and techniques she
was able to show me have been very helpful.
After these meltdowns, I’ve been doing “wellness weeks” in which I
create and follow simple but calculated itineraries to help revive my mental
and physical wellbeing. With those, I’ve
begun regular mediation and have deepened my appreciation for the opportunity
to workout in my basement gym.
3. Katy getting Covid
We already
had 2 vaccine shots when she got sick, yet she still got it bad. She was in bed for about 10 days, unable to
do much at all. She quarantined in the
bedroom while I slept on an inflatable mattress in my office. I made all her meals and brought her hot tea,
us both wearing masks whenever we were near each other. It was so frustrating since we both had been extremely
careful the past year+, watching so many other people continue to go out and
party through the pandemic. I was exhausted
by the time she started feeling better, but the relief of her recovery was
greater.
2. Mom’s surgery and declining health
My poor mom
just can’t catch a break, it seems. It’s
one thing after another for her, and she’s such a soldier, but it breaks my
heart. She’s in constant pain, and can’t
find a comfortable position for more than a few minutes which means she hasn’t
gotten a good nights sleep in years. She
had major spinal fusion surgery and suffered in the hospital for 4 days, and
through a month-long recovery. Brett and
I both helped where we could with meals and coordinating doctor/therapist appointments,
but for the most part could only just be near her while she pained away. And now it seems that the surgery is not
healing properly AND cancer is back (after a 15-year remission) so there’s
those two major conditions to deal with going into the new year.
1.Trump’s
coup/The Insurrection at the Capitol
It’s astonishing what America has
become. We watched domestic terrorists violently
overtake a democratic process after being fueled by lies from a would-be
dictator on live television. I guess I
figured the 2016 election was a forgivable mistake by the American people, but
then was blown away to see how many people still voted for Trump in 2020. All of these people believed in this liar,
this thug, this con-man, this racist, this misogynist, this ugly example of a
human being. All of these people drank
his Kool-Aid and bought the idea that the election was stolen even before it
happened! These people have been told
not to trust credible sources and science, and have been convinced that their
lives are under attack, pushing them to use their guns and violence to ‘fight
for freedom’. They’re fucking idiots. Dangerous idiots. I’m embarrassed that that I am of the same
nationality, ney- the same species as them.
And the fact that there’s still a Republican party that stands behind
Trump and/or downplays what happened on January 6 is appalling. We’re doomed to have that day repeat itself,
and I’m utterly disappointed in my country.
A
Few Positive Things…
10.
James and Camille’s wedding
9.
Thanksgiving with Katy’s family in MD
8. Motorcycle weekend to Saxis Island
7. Cat Sitting
6.
Lockdown Showdown 2
5. Katy and I both finding work that we enjoy
4. Working out and playing tennis
3. Hop trellis, Rose/clematis trellis, Cat Fort
2. Getting the vaccine
1. Another year living in this incredible house
with my beautiful girlfriend and the world’s best cats.
