Middle-school mishchief: End-of-the-day toilet prank

One of my best friends in 6^th grade was a kid named John Schaller. We had a blast together. One of our favorite stunts was to leave for the bathroom right before the final bell would ring. We would go into the bathroom and crumple up 3 balls of toilet paper before running them under the faucet. Also, we would fill up a small cup of water, and one of us would bring the tp balls and cup of water into a stall. As soon as the final bell rang, there was a rush to use the bathroom before heading to the busses. Once someone walked in, the prank began..

“Hnnnnhhhh!-Errrr”

“John, are you ok in there?”

“I don’t know- hrrrnnnhhhh!- Plop!” John would be making grunts and groans in the stall followed by dropping in the smallest of the wet TP balls. This would, of course, draw smiles and curious and/or disbelieving looks from whoever was at the urinal or sink at the time.

“Hrrrnnnhhh!!!! PLOP!” The second ball making a bigger sound.

“My friend has been in there for about 20 minutes. We think it might have been the chicken nuggets today. How you doing, buddy?”

“Last one, I think. Hrrrnnnh!! Ugh- it’s a big one! HRRRNNNHHH!”

At this, the prankster inside the stall would throw the final ball into the toilet, creating a loud splash and simultaneously throw the cup of water over the stall door, hopefully hitting our target victim! Good times :)

Middle-school mischief: Lunch & Recess

One of our favorite things to do was cause trouble for the lunch/recess aids. There were about 3 or 4 Iranian women who I’m sure were very nice women, but their job was to keep 200 kids in line during a lunch and recess period, so naturally to us, they were witches. And we always gave a good effort to make their mid-afternoon Hellish.

Occasionally, we hurled chicken nuggets across the cafeteria. One time a particularly aerodynamic nugget actually hit a girl in the back of the head, and Jeff Rader laughed so hard that chocolate milk came out of his nose. We enjoyed catapulting grapes off of plastic spoons and had a decent collection stuck on the ceiling above our favorite table. Sometimes we’d all just make a loud humming noise solely to add to the roar and chaos of the room full of 200 kids eager to go outside for recess after lunch.

One of our main gripes was that the aides didn't allow us to play tackle football; only 2-hand touch. Now, my 5th and 6th grade is right when the 'Nerf Turbo' football design was first released. The Turbo design enabled a average 5th grader to hurl a football an additional 20 yards or so, taking the "go deep" routes during recess football to a whole new level! I remember recess football as some of the most fun I've ever had playing sports, largely due to the Nerf Turbo. We were boys though, and we'd be damned if everyday we didn't play 'tackle' until the aides blew their whistles and yelled at us to stop. Every day.

Those poor ladies must have hated us.

Middle-school mischief: Introduction to Wheat??

“Hey, have you ever smoked weed?”

“Have I ever smoked wheat?”

“No, weed.”

“Wheat??”

“WeeDD.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I can clearly remember this conversation with Dwayne as well! We were on our way out of the principals office, 5^th grade, West Windsor, New Jersey. I had never heard of anything regarding drugs before, and D.A.R.E. wasn’t until 6^th grade.

Middle-school mischief: Sagging your pants

“Do you wear boxers or tighty-whiteys?”

“Tighty-whiteys, I guess.”

“You can’t sag your pants when you wear tighty-whiteys. You gotta start wearing boxers.”

‘Sagging your pants’ originally started when prisoners weren’t allowed to have belts as many of them had previously used belts to hang themselves. As a result, prisoners pants would rest on the top of their butts rather than their hips. Somehow it became a trend ‘on the outside’ to recreate this style, originally in recognition of either your time on the inside, or your homies still locked up. I hadn’t known about this phenomenon until that fateful day in 4^th grade when Dwayne Chisolm brought me in the loop.

I honestly think that was the last day I’ve ever wore ‘tighty-whiteys’.