The Audacity of Airport Clothing

 

    Ted isn’t a name that many people have anymore.  Theodore, it’s root, is only used by authors struggling to make their work more interesting.  Ted shrugged.  He couldn’t say his parents were hippies, or religious, or named him after his grandfather, or anything like that.  He stood under the fluorescent lights, waiting to be told to sit. 

    “What do you know about Egyptian truffles?” a voice boomed over a speaker in the ceiling.

Ted looked up towards the noise and his eyebrows stayed raised as he answered.  “I, uhh, what?  Egypt has truffles?”

The door to the room opened and two agents wearing nametags entered briskly.

    “Sit.”  Relieved, Ted sat.  One of the agents put a folder on the table, and opened it so that Ted was unable to see its contents.  The agent took a photo out of the folder and placed it in front of Ted.  The photo showed a man wearing a “Cape Cod” tshirt putting garbage in a dumpster.  Before the agents could prompt him, Ted reacted. 

    “God, I hate that tshirt.  I told him not to buy it and now he insists on wearing it every Sunday morning like he’s living the suburban dream.”

    “Nevermind the shirt.  Your partner is involved in a highly illegal-“
              “Nevermind the shirt?  Are you looking at it?  It’s hideous.  He didn’t even get it in Cape Cod!  He got it in the Boston airport.  What asshole buys clothing in the airport?”

    “If we could get to the matter at hand…”

    “Yes, Ted, let’s focus.  We know that you’re not involved in his operation, but it’s important that you know that Miles is facing some very serious criminal charges.”
              “Ok.  So?”

    “Well, we would like you to let us into the house so we can do a quick search while he is away.”

    “Can’t you just bust in with a warrant if he’s doing illegal shit?

The agents looked at each other, one nodding to the other, and a second photo was drawn from the folder.  This one showed the same man, in the same t-shirt, this time sitting at a long bar, chatting with a bartender.

    “He’s been wearing that trash out of the house?!”

    “Ted, we could really use your-“

    “Yeah, fine, great- come on over.  Just make sure you take that atrocity with you before you leave.”