December 10-
Put yourself or your character in a place where you feel
vulnerable and uneasy.
For
two straight days she couldn’t sleep, crying and pacing. She wanted to talk to her friends but
when she reached for the words, her chest seized up and she was unable to share
what was haunting her. She had
managed to tell her mother, but just barely. Finally, she was able to travel to see him and tell him face
to face.
“I
have something to tell you,” she said slowly. His stomach rose into his throat, unsure of what she was
about to tell him.
“The
other night, I was at a party…”
She was focusing on her breath, trying to keep her hands from shaking,
her voice from failing. Terrified. He could sense all of her fear and
began to piece together what was happening.
“I
had too much to drink, and…” Here
it comes. “I made-out with a
guy.” He closed his eyes. Hot tears arose from his cheek
bones. He opened his eyes and
looked at her. She was open to the
core. Her eyes were made of water,
her face like a jellyfish, hard and gelatinous at the same time. She looked at him and could feel his
anger, his judgment, his rejection.
He asked her questions like, “did you have sex?” and “do you have a
relationship with this guy?”. All
she had done was kiss a stranger at a college party, but she answered all of
his condescending questions with complete honesty and grace, yearning for his
love and forgiveness. After she
was sufficiently broken down, he finally allowed her a softer face. He gave a slight, reassuring
smile. Her heart leapt with the
tiny offering. She shut her eyes,
and could feel her tense muscles soften.
But before she opened her eyes again, her muscles tensed back up and she
felt herself walking out onto yet another ledge.
“Have
you ever…” she started slowly.
“Cheated on me?” He was not
prepared for this turn in the conversation. In fact, he was not prepared for this question at all. He was not prepared because he had, in
fact, never even recognized that his sexual affairs had any connection to his
current relationship. The
seemingly obvious connection had simply never even crossed his young mind. And as his brain struggled to catch up
to speed with it’s own reality, she was able to realize the answer to her
question before he even said a word.
“I…”
he stuttered. Her heart splintered. “I… have, yes.” Her heart cracked. He stood, dumbfounded, as if hearing
this news for the first time himself.
His brain tried to preserve itself with a final “don’t admit anything
you don’t have to”, but she was ready with specific questions. In the dark corners of her mind, she previously
had suspicions of his infidelity and had subconsciously rehearsed the questions
she wanted answers to.
“Have
you had sex with anyone else?”
“Yes,”
he heard his mouth say. Her heart
exploded.
“More
than once?” He looked down at the
ground. “Look at me,” she
commanded. He was ruined, his
entire face trembling and wet.
“Yes,”
he responded again. She heaved,
but her stomach was empty.
“How
many times?” she pushed. He looked
at her for mercy, but no longer was she the vulnerable girl he had broken down
just minutes before.
“Three- four. Yeah… four.”
Even he didn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth, but for the
life of him, he couldn’t remember how many times he had cheated. His brain had placed these memories in
their own protected safe, and he was honestly fumbling to retrieve its
information.
“I
am so so sorry! I am so
sorry. I fucked up. I…” But she was already gone. Her body still stood in front of him, but her soul had been
destroyed and returned to God for repair.
He tried to take her hand, but she pulled away. She looked at him and saw nothing but a
lie, a human-shaped bag, a cruel joke.
Her knees almost gave out and he leapt for the opportunity to be her man
again, but she steadied herself with a hand on the door knob. He again tried to take her hand without
success.
“You’re
just like your father,” she said, and opened the door.
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